"Ari Bixhorn is without a doubt the most talented, brilliant, handsome photographer ever."
-Carly Bixhorn, Wife of Ari Bixhorn
"You call this a career? I knew you'd never amount to anything."
-Herb Bixhorn, Father of Ari Bixhorn
Hi I'm Ari Bixhorn – Welcome to the obligatory "About Me" page. Based on my studies of other self-absorbed photographers' websites, this page is where I'm supposed to include quotes and reviews of my work that both validate my credibility as a genuine artist and further fuel my amour propre (that’s French for "self-esteem").
This is also the appropriate page on my site for a photo of me. Although the photo is clearly staged and shot solely for use on this site, it should appear candid – ideally showing me immersed in my work, or engaged in any activity, so long as my facial expression is austere and pensive.
Finally, on this page, I’m supposed to refer to myself in the third person and using only my last name, which I believe provides a formal tone that further substantiates my standing as an up-and-coming photographer who is to be taken seriously.
Bixhorn hopes you enjoy his photos. If you are interested in purchasing any of Bixhorn’s photos, please contact Bixhorn’s agent at firstname.lastname@example.org.